Qpid: One Half
by BriGuy The Writer
Summary: A Ranma/Star Trek crossover. No, don't run away yet! Q pays a visit to the Nerima Crew. Let the fun begin!
1. Enter Q, The AllPowerful Jokester

Hello! I've put my other story on hold to see if I can do a Ranma 1/2 fic. So to all you loyal readers out there (snicker), tough! Anyways, as you've been already told, this is a crossover between Star Trek: TNG and Ranma. Actually, it's more of a Ranma 1/2 story with a borrowed storyline from a Star Trek episode. I know all you trekkies out there are nodding your heads and going "Uh-huh. This should be interesting." That's my goal. Especially when a certain omnipotent being starts off the fun. Disclaimer-thingy: I do not own Ranma 1/2 or Star Trek. The almighty Rumiko Takahashi owns Ranma 1/2, and the equally almighty (although deceased) Gene Roddenberry owns Star Trek. So, in a sense, I don't even own the storyline, as it is borrowed (not stolen!) from the next generation episode 'Qpid'. So all of you poised over your keyboards ready to call me a rip-off artist, please just go back to your Pokemon cartoons. Note to Pokemon fans: Just Kidding! I love Pokemon! I have a shrine to them in my backyard, to which I regularly sacrifice goats! Note to animal-rights activists: Just Kidding! Note to Pokemon fans: Not that Pokemon isn't worthy of goat sacrifice!  
  
E N J O Y! **  
  
As the curtain opens (figuratively speaking) we are faced with the unimaginable recesses of time and space and thought and nothingness (good setting, huh?). This is the place between the anywheres of universes, where chaos and order reign supreme. Now that I got the poet in me to speak, lets focus in on the facts.  
  
A being lazily drifts between universes, bored to tears. It knows that it is all-powerful, but everything seems old when you've been around for eternity. What just happened in one universe could be eons old news in another. And since it could see all of them as clearly as you see these words (sorry, damn poet) it didn't matter at all that a race went extinct here, or a black hole disintegrated there. It was bored to tears.  
  
It was because of Vash, and the entity knew it. Ever since she had decided to return to her home galaxy, things had seemed dull without her staring in wonder and amazement. It remembered the reason she wanted to go back. More artifact pilfering. The being would've smiled if it could. She really is Jean-Luc's girl. And then there was Jean-Luc. Finally, and much to the human's dismay, he had been promoted to admiral and thus, was finished with commanding a starship. For once, the life form agreed with him. He should be out there, mapping nebulas, exploring the stars. He's a natural born explorer, and old age should not have to limit his ability, or his spirit. It had even offered him his youth back, twice in fact, but he had flatly refused each time. The nonexistent smile quickly turned into a smirk. "Maybe he'll cave in. In a couple of years."  
  
Just then, something caught the being's attention. A new universe had been created while he was musing; this wasn't anything new, new realities were being created and destroyed all the time, like a foam of soap bubbles. Except, something was different about this one. It was expanding very quickly, much more so than any other it had ever seen. Good, now I can have some fun, it thought. It knew also that it was running on a timetable, that the Continuum would soon discover the new energy signature, and send beings to investigate. Beings like it. But the shapeless form of consciousness didn't care. It quickly ran through the universe's growing history, until it zoomed onto a quiet little galaxy, over an insignificant solar system, on a small mud ball of a planet which the omnipotent being had become very familiar with; over a thin island landmass, where a certain pigtailed individual was getting a fantastic view of the city. If you could call it a view.  
  
Q's smirk got bigger. He had found his prey.  
  
*** Chapter 1 Enter Q, The All-Powerful Jokester  
  
Ranma Saotome was sitting in a meditative state. Well, actually, he wasn't. He was actually in excess of 700 feet over the streets of Nerima, his eyes closed, his hands and legs crossed. He was also quickly descending. Ranma discovered, however, that whenever he found himself in this predicament, cleansing his mind of thought processes would help to ease the pain of impact. However, one thought threatened to snap him back to reality. He subconsciously debated whether or not to think it, and came to the conclusion that the ease to his continence was enough of a payoff. While he was at it, he decided to speak it aloud. "Stupid tomboy," he muttered into the wind.  
  
No matter how many times he said it, it always helped to relieve some of the guilt. While he was on the subject of thinking, Ranma mused about this reoccurring problem. He envisioned a sign nailed to the door, like the ones that shopkeepers hang on their glass doors that say 'Open' on one side and 'Closed' on the other. Only this sign would have 'Men' and 'Women' on each side. It wasn't like he was trying to watch her in the bath, she just happened to be in there when he needed some hot water. But before she could finish screaming "Ranma no HENTAI!" he was exiting, stage up, thanks to one of Akane's multi-colored accessory mallets. Why didn't anyone tell her when she was in the furo!? It wasn't fair. Stupid tomboy, Ranma decided, and went back to falling.  
  
As he did so, he noted that he had begun to decelerate. Always being the one to state the obvious, Ranma said, "That's weird." Slower and slower he went, until he was literally floating above the ground. Ranma cautiously shifted his weight so that he landed softly on one foot. He scanned the street slowly for any unusual ki signals, and found none. His gut still told him he was being watched. "Come out, whoever you are!" -Are you grateful?- said a, well a half-voice. Ranma turned in a full circle, but saw no one who could be the voice's owner. He couldn't even be sure he had heard the voice at all.  
  
-Are you grateful that I saved you?- asked the voice again. Ranma's practical side kicked in, and he said, "Well.yes, I guess." A flash of white light made itself known behind him, and he turned to look up at the wall, which was now quite occupied.  
  
A man, around his 30s, was perched on top of the brick wall, dressed in what was unmistakably a court jester suit. (A.N. I really don't feel like going into intimate detail about his clothes, just picture a joker suit from medieval times, like you might see on a playing card.) Ranma, now very suspicious, tensed his muscles to be ready for anything.  
  
"Oh, you don't need to do that. At ease!" he said, with laughter in his voice, and waved his hand. Instantly, Ranma relaxed. Wait, my body doesn't decide for me, what the hell is going on? He looked up at the strange person, only to find a pair brown eyes, just inches from his own. "Yagh!" Ranma jumped back in surprise. Akane let out a deep belly laugh. "Ah ha ha! I love it when you people extend your fingers in surprise like that! It makes the whole action of scaring you all worthwhile!" "Akane?" Ranma stared, now confused beyond belief. "When did you get here?"  
  
"Yes, do you like this form better, or is it too familiar?" said Akane, but not Akane. Ranma was now sure, this wasn't the Akane he knew and.well, it wasn't her. Ranma stood up straight, having a sudden idea. "So, welcome back to the neighborhood, Copycat Ken."  
  
"Wrong again!" said Akane, who disappeared promptly afterwards. There was a sudden weight on Ranma's head, sending him, chin-first, into the pavement.  
  
"Ah yes, Copycat Ken. A good guess, but no." said the jester man crouched on his head.  
  
"DO YOU MIND?!" Ranma burst, now losing his shreds of patience. The man disappeared in a flash of white, and reappeared standing next to him. As Ranma returned to standing, he saw the imitator's new form. His own. "Now that's not funny!"  
  
"My name is Q," he said with a wicked grin. There was an air of superiority about him.  
  
For some reason, Ranma Saotome chose this time to gulp. I might be a little late for lunch...  
  
***  
  
Ranma's eyes swept across the apartment room he was now sitting in. He still didn't know how he got there. One second, he was staring at the most familiar face in the world to him, his own, and the next he and the now less-strangely dressed man were standing outside the apartment door, and he was being invited in. Even in his confused state, he had accepted out of respect. His host was busy making some tea.  
  
Ranma had tried again and again to sense something from the man, but to no avail. This "Q" person obviously had some incredible powers. Unfortunately, his host's return with the tea precluded any more thought.  
  
Q sat down with a small grunt across the table, and served the tea. Ranma was starting to get impatient. Q passed Ranma his cup, and the martial artist took a sip, and then spoke.  
  
"So, would you mind telling me what I'm doing here?" Ranma looked up from the murky liquid to stare at his host. He realized then that he was not of Japanese descent. He looked more American, or perhaps European. He wore a blue sweater and dark beige pants. Ranma also noticed that he was trying to keep a straight face. Ranma was now getting very annoyed. "Hey, do you hear me?" "I hear you just fine, Mr. Saotome," Q said a little too calmly. Ranma sat back down: he hadn't even been aware that he had stood. Q closed his eyes, and continued, "I'll start at the beginning...  
  
"As I said, my name is Q. I am an omnipotent being." Q opened one eye, seeing the confusion in Ranma's eyes. He sighed. "Omnipotent means all- powerful."  
  
Ranma nodded, then his eyes widened a bit in understanding. Finally, he shrugged. Q was surprised, to say the least. He opened his other eye.  
  
"You mean, you're not surprised or suspicious?"  
  
"Nah," said Ranma, taking another sip of his tea. "When you live my life, your standards for weirdness tend to drop."  
  
"Indeed," Q chuckled. "However, my power is complete. I have the ability to know or do anything."  
  
Ranma still wasn't getting it, so Q continued, "I've been studying you, Ranma. I must say, you have one of the most interesting histories I have ever come across."  
  
"Thank you," the pigtailed boy hesitantly said.  
  
"And I do know everything," his host said, the grin finally breaking through, "your Cat Fist training, and resulting consequences, the multiple fiancée problem, and even your most devastating fault."  
  
Ranma winced slightly for each revelation, almost breaking out a grimace at the end. At last, he clued in. "I don't suppose, then, you..."  
  
"Could remove your curse?" Q's ego could almost be seen swelling up. "Yes, I can, but why should I?"  
  
"Be..cause..." Ranma said at a loss. "Um...please?"  
  
"No," he said flatly. He privately delighted in the way Ranma's face suddenly portrayed anger, frustration, and panic at the same time.  
  
"But why tell me that only to say no?" Ranma snarled.  
  
Q's grin got wider, if that was even possible. "I told you, give me a good reason."  
  
"Lets get to the point," Ranma replied, attempting to control his temper, "What do you want me to do?"  
  
"A test," said Ranma's possible savior, "to show you are worthy. You'll be notified about the details soon. Are we agreed?"  
  
"Agreed," our hero said before thinking. But before he could even reach out his hand to shake on it, he found himself sprawled flat on the floor of the Tendo dojo, his head spinning, and a half-voice ringing in his ears: -Oops, sorry for the rough landing.-  
  
"How strange..." Ranma said before passing out. 


	2. Midnight Visit

Disclaimer: This is not mine. Seriously, its not. For all I care, Rumiko or Paramount OR the late Gene Roddenberry could take this away from me and order me to give them lots of money. But I know they won't do that. Not with all the money they've already received from me.  
  
Also, I know that this story (especially this chapter) is unoriginal. This is the reason for the above disclaimer. I know. You don't have to tell me. Not that I'm saying anyone has. :-)  
  
PS: That was for the trekkies in the audience. If u are not one, forget what I just said. Thank you.  
  
Chapter 2 Midnight Visit  
  
Ranma had managed to explain away to Kasumi why he was napping on the floor of the martial arts training hall. "Excessive personal training" was his excuse, and he used the same excuse to get out of lunch. He knew that this would raise a few eyebrows at the table, especially Akane, whom he had glimpsed in the kitchen and had immediately warped away. Ranma didn't need the Stomach Cramps of Doom added to his ordeals.  
  
Ranma instead retreated to the furo, as it was his favorite place to think. His sign idea long forgotten, he silently disrobed and stepped through the threshold. Fortunately, there were no naked tomboys in sight, so he slipped into the relaxing water, and began his thinking.  
  
"Okay, so if this Q guy is omni...omn...omne...really powerful like he says, then I'm not going to have much chance in a fistfight. On the other hand," Ranma sank deeper into the water, "he must have a weakness somewhere." Ranma, sinking lower, remembered the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts rule numbers 32, 57, and 81 (depending on his fathers mood), "Always concentrate on your opponents weaknesses." (Coincidentally, rule numbers 38 and 49 state the exact opposite, but this is beside the point.) "This time Pop, I agree with you."  
  
Ranma suddenly became aware of a lack of oxygen, caused by the fact that his head was completely submerged. As he pushed up to the surface, he thought about the slight clattering sound his sensitive ears had dimly registered, and the pattering of something on the hard floor. His sign idea painfully resurfaced with him before he could put two and two together. He saw Akane, he saw she was unclothed, and he slightly wondered why she was taking another bath while the color rose in his cheeks. As he slipped into stutter mode, Akane quietly set down a mud-splattered unconscious P-Chan, and pulled a familiar weapon out of hyperspace...  
  
The scene turns to Happosai, whom was busy gathering his "research". Liberating another group of panties and bras, the old martial artist stopped in mid-jump, sensing a strong ki signal in a state of distress. He looked up, and saw the most beautiful sight his large eyes had ever beheld. Namely, a butt-naked Ran-chan hurtling across the sky. "How sweet," Happosai breathed, before being beaned by an enraged female.  
  
***  
  
Q sat outside the Ranmaverse, pondering his dilemma. He had been able to bribe/blackmail the Q that had been sent to investigate. Fortunately, the universes unusual characteristics hadn't stopped him from freezing it in time. And so he did ponder just what sort of challenge to put our poor Ranma through. He had just witnessed Ranma's second usage of the ceiling exit (Q was not prone to nosebleeds). Suddenly, he got a wonderful idea. An awful idea. An incredibly wonderful awful (a lawsuit smacks the author with a wet mackerel)...well you get the point. "...It was fun before, and I'm fairly certain I have that reality tucked away somewhere." Q abjured the hold on the Ranmaverse, watching a once frozen redhead continue to fall from the sky. "Phase One should begin soon."  
  
***  
  
Ranma, now male again, tossed in his comforter, which was apparently slacking off from its namesake. After a hidden sprint that the best ninja would've been envious of, she had made it back home, changed, and dressed. He then plopped down in front of the TV, and stayed there until dinner (my how the time does fly when your glued to the tube), assuming the matter with Akane closed. But when he turned around to eat, well, you never assume anything with Ranma.  
  
After an interesting dinner, Ranma had attempted to reconcile things with Akane, which he had become somewhat skilled at. Ranma tossed again, rousing a grunt from Genma-panda.  
  
*flashback*  
  
"Aw, come on Akane...I said I was...sorry." Ranma dodged another wave of kicks. "Jeez, do you ever get tired when you're pissed?"  
  
"How am I supposed to relieve my anger if you keep dodging?" The pigtailed boy dodged with ease, and back flipped to the other end of the dojo, leaving the out of breath girl to punch air.  
  
"Hey, you were the one who walked in on me the last time." Akane responded by attempting to charge him, but fell on her elbows when she was two feet away.  
  
Ranma was quickly at her side. "You shouldn't hurt yourself, clumsy," Ranma gently grabbed her arm to help her up, but she shook him off. "Hey now, don't think I'm going to be this nice to you all the time."  
  
"I don't need your help," replied Akane softly, however she did not get up. "I'm a martial artist, I shouldn't need your help." Her body gave off a miniscule twitch. She turned to the boy beside her, and Ranma saw there were tears in her eyes, making him very nervous. "Ranma, do you think I'm...weak?"  
  
"Huh?" said Ranma, "uh, well, you might be a bit...lacking, in some areas..."  
  
"I knew it," she said, a couple drops of water falling to the stained wood floor, "It's just that, I've noticed over the years, that in almost every fight, I'm always the prize, never the competitor, just a prize..."  
  
Ranma was getting very uncomfortable. Saying you're sorry is one thing, but stopping her from crying? "Uh, what're you getting at?"  
  
"I'm not fit to inherit this dojo," she stated, "if I cant even hold my own, how can I defend my family's honor?" Akane sat up completely, and Ranma noticed that her expression had changed. If he had to characterize it, he'd say it was a combination of shyness and frustration. "You don't have to marry me," she said in a starkly timid voice.  
  
Before our hero could retort with an automatic rude remark, the girl before him did something very un-Akane like. She tensed her shoulders, and closed the distance between them, giving Ranma a quick kiss on the lips. Then, she fled.  
  
*end flashback*  
  
The pigtailed young man sat up finally, deciding that he couldn't sleep. He quietly began to lift his covers off, when he heard a voice. "Sleeping alone?"  
  
Ranma turned, to see Q lying next to his bedding. The trickster let go of the bit of covering between his fingers, forming a wicked grin on his face. The youngest of the Saotome line thumped back down, quickly coming to the conclusion that he was indeed very sleepy. "Go away Q, I'll dish out any pain you want tomorrow."  
  
"Hey, don't forget who you're talking to," he said, and pointed a thumb to his chest. "All knowing, all seeing."  
  
"Whatever the hell you're talking about," Ranma turned on his side, away from the creature, It's going to have to wait..."  
  
"I knew there was something different about you," Q cut off, "From all the other times I've observed you, you seemed deflated, unpoufed, somewhat smaller. At first I thought it was my sudden appearance, but I was mistaken." His voice came off as satisfied.  
  
Ranma's calloused hands began to curl into fists, but what he said next changed his attitude completely. "Still, it pains me, to see the great Ranma Saotome brought down...by a woman."  
  
"What woman?" Ranma nearly shouted, causing Genma-Panda to grunt again. Ranma still had his back to Q, but his eyes were wide open.  
  
Q chuckled. "Don't play coy with me, Ranma. I saw your little conversation with Akane." Ranma turned quickly to face the being, as Q continued, "Nor will I soon forget the look of frustration on your face, the confusion, the concern. If I didn't know better," Q dropped to a whisper, "I would've thought you were already married."  
  
The omnipotent individual dissolved into white nothingness, narrowly avoiding a flying fist. Reappearing on the ceiling, like some type of human fly, he peered downward. Ranma was busy being confused by the disappearing trick. He finally snapped out of it and spotted his target, not finding it odd that it was upside down. Q snapped his fingers, freezing Ranma's muscles in position. Q stared eagle-eyed at Ranma, and said, "Do you deny that you care for this girl?" When Ranma didn't reply, Q tried another approach. "Believe me, I'd be doing you a big favor if I turned her into a Madagascar hissing cockroach..."  
  
"You stay away from her, Q." Ranma exclaimed, and received a sleepy backhand from his father, who went back to his panda nap.  
  
Q raised his hands defensively at the still paralyzed martial artist. "I was just trying to help. But seriously," Q said, dropping to the floor with grace, releasing the pigtailed boy in the process, "this is your Achilles heel. Not this," Q snapped his fingers, making a water balloon appear over Ranma's head.  
  
Ran-chan turned quickly to her bed. "I'm done talking to you, Q." As she walked away, Q turned.  
  
"You would have me idly stand by as she led you to your destruction?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"As you wish," Q murmured, and vanished.  
  
Ranma let out a sigh, "What is he, a genie now?"  
  
However, before lying down, Ranma stared in the direction of Akane's room, and just stared. Catching herself, Ranma shook her head of fiery red hair. "Stupid tomboy," she reminded herself, then went to sleep.  
  
***  
  
Dun dun dun. That Ranma, doesn't catch on quickly, does he? Will the relationship be resolved? And what does Q have up his nonexistent sleeve? (True, you trekkies already know. Meh) Stay tuned for next years update. Yes, I'm very slow at updating. Sowwy. I'll try to improve. 


End file.
